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Hello, hello. Hello. Okay, so today I'm super excited because I am going to be talking to you about the work life personal social everything balance and an ADHD life which feels completely impossible most of the time, like really, really impossible. So I am going to start with these two questions. And as you answer these questions, you're going to start to get into the mind frame of somebody who really needs to hear the material that's going to be offered to you today. And I know that you're here because you need it. So I want to just help you reset your mind frame to a place where you're going to totally absorb everything that you hear. Okay, so the first question is, Do you often get overwhelmed to a point where you can't function? Now I know you do that. That's why you want to listen to this. That's why you have succumbed to my mastery here. You feel overwhelmed to a point where you can't function and you actually shut down and that's where analysis paralysis sets in. So if you haven't heard analysis, paralysis as a term before, what it means is that you get you feel stuck in a paralyzed state of mind, because you've over analyzed everything you have to do. And overwhelm usually comes from either not knowing where to start or just feeling stuck in that paralysis of, again, not knowing where to start. And when you bring in the analysis side, it's when you've overanalyzed everything that has to get done and again, don't know where to start and you feel stuck and shut down. So that's the first question. The second question, and this is the biggest one. Are you desperately trying to balance the juggling act between your demanding boss, your kids telling you that you've put the ketchup in the wrong area of their plate or used the wrong kind of bread for their sandwich and wanting to spend quality time with a significant other person in your life be that a partner, a best friend, a parent, anybody significant in your life that you feel is your sort of go to person? So for those of you that are in intimate relationships, that could be your partner or your spouse? And this goes beyond just sitting on the couch watching mindless Netflix or Disney plus or crave whatever, mindless TV watching. You're sitting together yet somehow you feel so so so so, so separate? So the quality time piece is actually quality time where you're interacting and engaging with each other. Oh, yeah. Okay, last thing, and also maybe have some time for yourself and some time to spend socially, so social gatherings, events, going out for dinner with a group of friends, going for a walk with some friends, anything that is social outside of the things that were mentioned before. So, being human, neurotypical, and all that is a lot a hell of a lot to manage. Now then you throw in our beautiful neurodiverse brains and being human with ADHD. Take that word a lot and multiply it by like, at least a million like, it's just so much the demands are simply just too too much. So what I want to do here is just taking a few steps back, dial it down and let us play in a safer zone for a little bit. Just feel like okay, the demands are suddenly less. I don't have my kids asking me for god knows what today. I don't have to spend time with anybody but myself. I don't need to go to work today. Let's just dial it back to a safe space where you feel you can actually grow and expand.
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Now, for fun, let's say in this safe space, you have a beautiful balance between all the things in your life you have a balance between your work, your life, your personal, your social. All things seem like you've got them under control. They're flowing nicely, you feel peaceful, and you just, you know the essence you have your shit together. Now, can you imagine what it would feel like to have a life like that? Take a second and just imagine it. Everything is peaceful, flowing calm all together. The dots are connected. It sounds and I emphasize the word sound. It sounds incredible. But also, and here is where I want you to take me with a big grain of salt. If this bothers you, because keep listening and you'll understand. It also sounds kind of boring. It sounds boring to be perfect all the time from life to always be in that state. Like come on. I can't imagine living like that my brain would get so bored I'd shut down. There's no curiosity or excitement or spontaneity. It's it's like everything's just flowing one thing into the other ladi dadi da, but there's no zest. And there's none of that, I wouldn't say none of that. Sorry. But there's not a ton of those things in your life in your mind in your body that make you you. Those things that drive you to do better that motivate you to do the things you love. That interest based nervous system that you have as an ADHDer is no longer being provoked. It's literally being told. Just stay calm. Everything will work out. It is what it is. We're all good. It's like almost toxic positivity. That's what it's feeling like to me. And your interest based nervous system needs the curiosity needs the spontaneity. It needs that excitement to get driven to get up and go. It doesn't need peace all the time. It actually needs a mixture of peace, of excitement of adrenaline of all the things that make you you that make you get up and go and do the things. Because when you don't have that excitement, that's when you get into the overwhelm it feels like there's too much on your plate, not enough time to do it and you don't know where to start so nothing gets done.
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And when you have the ability, okay, and a pause here and jump back in after
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if your interest based nervous system is not being ignited, you will subsequently go back into that analysis paralysis or that state of being stuck in your own thoughts and not knowing where to go. So actually, what sounded perfect before will lead you into a place that is so difficult to get out of and essentially, completely and totally sucks. So although that perfect picture vision however you want to describe it doesn't actually really exist. There are ways to create balance in your life that actually works in this beautiful, glorious, amazing alignment with your life. And what I'm going to do right now is share three ways that I like to call the three determinants because they determine how you're going to find your balance. They help you support you to determine how you're going to find your balance. And once you determine the determinants, balance is going to seep into every little crevice and area of your life and expand. It's beautiful. Okay, so here we are. Alright, drumroll. Okay, the three determinants to achieving your balance. Okay, so your priorities, what do you need? What do you want or what do you have to have in your life? So I know we all want certain things we want socialization, we want money. We want all these the time for self care and date nights. But those aren't necessarily the things that are going to keep you both alive and fulfilled. I want you to dig into what's super important to you that you can't live without and get specific on your must haves for this life. What are the things that you must have in this life to feel balance? So for me, those things would be time spent with family food, a job that would pay my bills, put a roof over my head. And of course I want to go and expand beyond that. But it starts with the basics. My very first job. I worked so hard I worked three jobs at one point because I wanted to earn enough money to save up so that I could buy a house one day that I could pay off off debts when I like needed to in the future that I could buy the food that I needed to cook my meals it was it was all about the like Maslow's hierarchy of needs, meeting those basic needs before anything else. So what are your basic needs here at the bottom of that hierarchy that you need to achieve your must haves to start obtaining that balance in your life? That's number one, so your must haves your priorities however you want to call it that's number one. The second thing is your interest driven abilities. You can have a million and one skills, but which ones out of those skills, keep you going keep you engaged, keep you motivated, make you want to get up, jump in and do it. Which ones let you feel ignited because there are skills that you will have that you might be amazing at because it's a natural given talent that you just you have you're great at it. But maybe you don't enjoy it. So you're not motivated to use it. I mean, someone could be a masterful mathematician, so good at math. Their brain just works in numbers. But yet they don't actually enjoy it. They enjoy painting. They enjoy art. Should they go be a mathematician or should they go be an artist now there's a lot of shoulding there and I don't generally like to say though the word should, but the fact is here How would be best to go about this or how would it be best to go about this. If you were that person? You're great at math, but you really don't like it. You love painting. You love creating masterpieces of art. Should you go and be a mathematician because that's your natural given talent and it would be a waste not to use it? Or should you go hone in the skills that make you light up that make you feel alive that make you feel like you're giving something beautiful back to this world. And that make you feel like you are
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fulfilling a beautiful purpose. So that's number two number two is your interest driven abilities. And remember, you can have abilities, but which ones are your interest driven abilities. That's what's going to help keep your ADHD nervous system in alignment, to keep it going to keep it healthy. And balanced. Number three, this is the last one and this is a big one, your emotional threshold. Now, what does it feel like for you right before your overwhelming emotions completely explode. So you're getting overwhelmed you feel it happening and then all of a sudden, before you can even notice it. You're yelling and screaming and whether it's internal or external. Your brain is exploding. It feels like the top of your head has popped off. Everything is just coming out. And you can't catch it. That explosion that the overwhelm where you can no longer function. Your emotional threshold will help you understand when you're getting there and stop before you actually get to that point. So what happens right before the feeling of explosion right before the feeling of explosion might be that you're feeling like I'm about to explode. I've come to this point where if I don't stop now it's going to get bad. That's your threshold. That's where you actually need to stop and say okay, I cannot go any further right now and take a step back.
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Take 20 steps back, take 100 steps back and ask for support your emotional threshold will allow you to create balance and you will get closer and closer by practicing noticing and listening to your emotional threshold. You'll get better at noticing it even sooner earlier on in the process so that you don't get to the point of I'm almost about to blow up. It will be okay. I feel it coming I feel like I'm gonna get to the point of that heavy anxiety which will then lead to that bursting overwhelm and then it will go even further back. So I want you to take notice of your your internal feelings and actions and the things that go on in your brain when you're about to have that explosive moment. Okay, now we're coming to an end of this podcast episode. And as soon as you're done listening to it or re listening to it however many times you need to, I want you to choose one of the determinants so either your priorities your interest driven abilities or your emotional threshold. And think about that, that's where you're gonna start. So think about how you can use that to support yourself how you can apply it and allow it to bring you that balance. Because it's just the beginning. It's a baby step. It's a step where you can actually say, Okay, I'm gonna start with my interest driven abilities. What are they? And then think about it. Okay, my interest driven abilities are helping people life coaching. I am personally very good at math and actually that was what I had majored in, in university. My undergrad was with a major in pure and applied mathematics because I thought I was going to teach advanced math for the rest of my life. But I didn't enjoy it.
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So I didn't do it. I did it for a while, but then I realized it wasn't going to keep me going. My interest driven ability, when it came to my career was helping people. How was I going to help people what kind of people was I going to help? And I honed that in I've worked on that interest driven ability in that area of my life, so that I can wake up every day feeling like I have a purpose in the work that I do. Not that Oh, I have to go to work today. I feel driven. I mean, it's not even 830 In the morning right now. And I've already gotten up, gotten ready, packed a bag for the gym. Filming recording of this podcast episode. I've written a few pieces of content that I'm excited to put out. I just I've worked on my business and I have two young kids so believe me, it's not it's not like, Oh, this is easy. This has taken a lot of time for me to hone in and for me to express in my own way and to come into that balance and alignment of what feels right and makes sense for me. And the factors that play into this are not just my interest driven abilities. It's figuring out what those are, and then what impacts them. Expanding that circle and then expanding it even wider. Okay, what impacts my interest driven abilities. Where can I work on it? How much time do I need for it? Oh wait, I also need good food. I need good sleep good food I need I need to eat a proper times. I need good sleep. I need to have my medications worked out. I need to have enough water and hydration. There all these other factors that play into nourishing your abilities, your interest driven abilities that come into nourishing your priorities that come into nourishing your emotional threshold. So I want you to really take all of that into consideration that you are just at the very beginning. You're starting with one piece and that one piece is a chip off of this big block that you're going to be breaking down and moving through. Alright, that's it for today's episode. And if you have any comments, questions or you want to leave feedback, I would love to hear what you thought about this episode what you think about this podcast in general, reviews and feedback are what help other people know if this is going to be right for them. So please go ahead and leave us a review. And I'll see you soon!
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
